Letting go of a bad friendship

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Everyone has their own friendship stories to tell, including me. I guess, almost everyone has their own bouts of ups and downs in friendship, after all all relationships must have its own problems, hang-ups and challenges in order to make it pure and strong. Just like gold refined, all of us have to go through fire in order to be purified – the metaphor apply for friendships as well.

I once had a toxic friendship once and I tell you, my life was really poisoned by the fact that the friendship is indeed toxic and deadly. In reminisce, to call it a friendship is so unappropriate and cliched because we end up not talking and the bind had been broken. During that moment, I felt so burdened, so tired and so frustrated because it was not easy to put up with my friend’s demand, tantrums and yes, the companionship. At first, things were great! We were inseparable, we were “strong”, we were invincible. I thought I finally found a real friendship, man I was totally wrong…

Friends stood up for one another; real friendships would lie down their lives for you but at the same time rebuke you when they know you were heading the paths of destruction. True friends are there for you through thick and thin; eventhough the tough is really tough, they stubbornly stay with you and support you…sometimes at the cost of their own lives. The “friendship” I had started somewhat like that but as we grow, my friend began to manipulate me. It looks just like what I have described earlier about true friendship, but it began to wear me out. Until one day, my friend ditched me and acted as if it was insignificant.

So, how do I let go of this bad “friendship”? It sounded so easy to write it here yet, it was more difficult to break the bond that is already shattered. I’ve already felt so familiar with my friend and to part with our friendship would mean I will be alone. I was so afraid of being alone and being dubbed as “THE LONER”. So at first i stayed, hoping that it would be okay. It doesn’t, it got worst.

I slowly detached myself from my friend because I am not the daring and bold one to have a heart to heart. Another reason I opted the detaching method is because my friend is a stubborn child who refused to see other’s point of view. So, slowly I detached myself and started seeing other friends, whom I have neglected.

I began to get my own life, keeping myself out of my comfort zone. It was difficult but with perseverance I began to like my newly found confidence and independence.

In short, in friendships it is important that you give one another space and respect. If your friend is manipulating you, STOP and try to tell her or him how you feel. If he or she is okay, then talk about saving your friendship. If not, I guess it’s better to let it die a natural death. Sometimes I do think it’s cruel, but genuine friendship makes you a better person, not destroy you. Forgive and be courageous to move on…just leave the emotional baggage in the past.

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14 responses »

  1. Sis,

    I never thought that your post would have a great impact on my heart. And I never thought that I would’ve to get through this kind of ‘broken’ relationship either.

    However, in my case it’s quite different. I noticed how he’d taken me for granted, but being a good friend myself, didn’t allow me to stay away. One incident happened, as he couldn’t accept my opinions, he got really mad and told all of my friends how bad I am, despite of my good nature.

    I didn’t explain much. I just left him ‘cuz I believe that was what God wanted me to do. It’s proved true as I’m happier nowadays for knowing many great friends that would be with me no matter how cruel life is.

    Thanks for sharing!

  2. Wow, you are so right when you mention detaching. My friend met other “friends” and forgot about everyone else, thats what you call a fair weathered friend.

  3. Wow; great post. I know that I have been through quite a few ‘toxic’ friendships and am still trying to get over them.

    I appreciate the honesty of your post. It is good to know that others have been through the same thing and have come out stronger because of it.

    Thanks again for the heartfelt post.

  4. I just recently let go of a bad relationship myself. I was the one doing all the giving and she was taking and being very abusive – then acting like I was the one in the wrong. There are ways to treat people when you are truly a friend and believe me she wasn’t a true friend. Her thing is money, money rules her life – sorry to say one day she will wake up and all she will have is maybe the money – but living the fast life as she does – probably not – she will end up shriveling up without nowhere to turn and her real true friends – will have long left her. Anyway your story hit home – thanks

  5. I have had female friends say mean and very scary things to me. In private, and when in public, or in front of my husband they are a totaly different person. Its almost that we are in grade school again, and someone hasnt grown up. And they have learned from early, not to do the deeds of
    evil in public.
    Yes, I am reeling from the wounds, yet I know that they are hurting from even deeper wounds than i could ever imagine.
    Biblicaly to rebuke the unkind person
    and point out that those are hurting words, and pray for them, right there johnny on the spot.

  6. I found this article as i was looking up the definition of a bad friend. My “friend” ditches me, manipulates me, and is constantly bashing me. Now that ive read this, im getting the hell out. Thank you.

  7. Wow,
    I’ve been racking my brain on how to deal with this type of situation. I had this really close friend for almost ten years who I met in highschool and i never imagined it would take a turn for the worst. I’ve suffered from depression since i was a small boy and when i met her she was a very positive influence in my life .
    Im not a needy person but i do like a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen, but i could tell she was fed up with it when she told me i should go ahead and kill myself if im that depressed. In that instant the past ten years of what i thought was a close friendship was wiped from my mind. I was looking at a stranger now and it scared me.
    We talked later how that made me feel and she said she was sorry and that she was drunk and didnt mean it, but Im no fool. People say exactly whats on there mind when there drunk and cant say it while there sober. Needless to say my trust in her has diminished and we’ve become very distant on both ends.
    The few brief times we were around each other after all that you could cut the tension in the air it was so thick. I had no problem telling that we were no longer friends, but i didnt want to let go of those ten years. But after reading this and everyones response I feel much more confindant about moving on.

  8. I can really identify with your feelings on how a good friendship turned into a bad friendship. I am going through this problem myself right now. When I first met this friend and got to know her, I could never picture myself not being her friend. At the beginning (about a year ago now), she showed a lot of interest in me. She even called me every day when I had a cold to see how I was feeling. We seemed to have had a real connection and I really cared about her as a person. Now she is being so distant, I just don’t know what to make of it. I can only think that maybe she is bored of me. I will need to muster up the courage to at least provide me with an explanation for her behaviour towards me. It is causing me a lot of stress and sadness which is worse than not having a close friend in your life.

  9. Thank you for being apart of the blogosphere, and sharing this.
    Toxic friendship … well put…
    As I commence the detachment; I hope I can reclaim my lost soul.

    “Tragic friendship
    Called inside the fog
    Pouring venom brew deceiving
    Devil cracked the earthly shell
    Foretold s/he was the one
    Blew hope into the room and said:
    “You have to live before you die young”

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